What to do today, I thought, for the letter V. I mean, I’m on vacation in Florida as they say over here so I could use that but that would be a bit lame, much too tame and not very me.

How much sea, sand and Pina Colada’s can I show you at the end of the day?

I could eat something vegan but why self harm?

I could knock back some vodkas but what’s new there?

I went and got myself another Pina Colada from the outside bar come lunchtime for inspiration.

I spotted volleyball on the beach but…there was nobody to play with. Everyone lay peacefully on big beds soaking up the glorious rays. I went back to the pool shop and bought the only ball they had which was an American football. I took it to the pool to play water polo or something; upset the equilibrium of people floating about in a non swimming way and not getting there hair wet.

“I’ll rope all the kids in the pool into playing,” I thought. That went down well for a good hour until it started bouncing off peoples heads or right in front of their faces with a ‘smack-splash!’ Not wanting to get barred from my hotel I took off back to the beach again to see which activities were available.

And then I saw it. Out in the cerulean ocean. A big, super fast speed boat smacking against the choppy waves. I went to see water sports activity man. His name was Wayne.

“I want to go on that boat,” I said, pointing at the white vessel ripping through the water.

“Oh I bet you do! That’s not for going on really, it’s for pulling the parasail.”

“Well here’s the deal, Wayne. I want a blast on that boat, Bond style and then I’ll go parasailing after. “

“And if you come back without sea sickness and a smile I’ll give you a free T-shirt,” he said.

The deal was struck.

A jet ski pulled me out on a banana boat to the speed boat which was in the middle of the sea. That was SO much flippin’ fun I didn’t want to get off!

I got on board the speed boat where the skipper and crew started to take the piss out of my accent saying, “Tally-ho” and all that sort of thing.  I let it go. The boat was brilliant and threw itself hard against the choppy waves and I got to ride like 007 for half an hour. I LOVED it.

Then I got harnessed up on the back of the boat and clipped to a multi coloured parachute.

“So what do I have to know?” I asked, having never been parasailing before.

“Don’t worry about it,” they said with one of those smiles that makes you worry.   “Just sit there, keep your legs bent and don’t touch the clips. We’ll tell you everything you need to know in a minute…”

What a downright lie.

Within seconds I shot up into the sky and started to fly behind the boat. Were it not for the fact I found the experience absolutely liberating and so beautiful, I would have clipped them both round the tabs for setting me up like that.

I went up twice. I got dipped twice.  I came down smiling and Wayne let me have my t-shirt.

I love the fact that I keep getting free t-shirts to prove my worth.