Somebody Help me Out Of The Holi-Daze!

It’s Whimsy On A Wednesday On A Thursday! 

I had to go out today. I had to go out because I felt like I was becoming a toxic mass of dribbling forgetfulness.  I detest this feeling. Hoisted by my own petard because I drank sherry for breakfast and ate chocolate oranges for tea. I can’t be arsed to move as I’m plagued by sugary exhaustion. The only time my body wants to exercise is at 3 AM when my legs start doing a restless, horizontal run in my bed. There is a noticeable steaming, swelling, and abundance of fumarolic gas rumbling within. I’m torn between the menace of bad behaviour and the will to escape. I try and think of a plan as I wash down yet another mince pie with a bottle of Gaviscon.

I am on the precipice of being frightfully atrocious. 

Today, on Thursday 28th December, (I’m doing that for my own good)  I went into town to have a coffee and do something normal. This had nothing to do with a £50 voucher for L’Occitane burning a hole in my pocket. No. I really don’t need any more gifts. I have been lavished with gorgeous things and I am truly thankful to those who know me well.

I say well, but then do you ever wonder how people really see you?

And those who clearly know you should be a sea-shantying pirate living in Cornwall. 

Or an artist in a studio where one can fall down rabbit holes and live in inky Wonderland. 

I knew it was going to be a special Christmas because just before the big day the heavens sent a message.

A nebulous rainbow cloud hit the UK.  Either it was a beautiful omen or Putin was gassing us. I’m not being facetious, I say this as at the same time my mother took a funny turn.

“Christmas dinner will be at 2 pm”, I said as we sat having coffee at the garden centre.

“Oh, I was going to talk to you about that.”  

I rolled my eyes because that is what I am wont to do on most occasions if people start effing around with my plans and going off-piste.

“I was thinking we could have it a bit later,” she said.

“Like when?” I might’ve been a bit petulant, not gonna lie.

“Maybe a quarter past 2.”

I looked at her gone out. I wondered if should I ring an ambulance or get her to hold her hands up in the air and repeat her name and address. Surely she had had a stroke or this was a side effect from the nebulations in the sky.

“Lady, by the time you’ve sat down and pulled a cracker with your opponent at the table I’m pretty sure 15 minutes will have passed. I think we’re good.”

They Call it Family…

And I call them opponents because that’s what they become at a family gathering. Also, when games are played they are usually fiercely aggressive and competitive resulting in name-calling and severe criticism. People have cried in the past or stopped speaking to us for months. Many have fallen by the wayside. The Vikings have survived. In our family, it’s character-building.

Turned out that the rainbow cloud was a rather special freak occurrence and magical unicorns had flown through the sky. 

For Book’s Sake

On Christmas Eve, another new tradition was started. Books were purchased and exchanged – like they do in Iceland. I was given a global best-selling series about a time-travelling coffee shop by Toshikazu Kawaguchi. 

I bought the following for a family member because I heard it is one of the top-selling books in curious bookshops and enthrals its readers.

It is only 60 pages long and can be devoured in a sitting. I am now reading this book and must say that it took a turn I was not expecting. I am hooked. 

So, back to today. I went to the L’Occitane shop and found it was shut until 9.30 AM so I went for a walk around the city. I like to do this and find new shops, eateries and wall art.

I also like to look up at the beautiful Victorian buildings and enjoy the architecture. My father always taught me to look up and pay attention to things instead of straight ahead. I can often be found bumping into people because I’ve gone a bit dizzy from having my head in the clouds. 

Anyway, after getting lost down that rabbit hole I returned to the French beauty shop and bought some lovely oils that are guaranteed to remove all evidence of Christmas stress, toxins, lactic acid, hardening of the arteries, fatty liver, and irritable temper. 

I’ve also bought a salad in case that’s all a dreadful lie and I just end up being a nasty bitch with beautiful skin.

Wishing you all a happy end to this year and blessings for the New Year where you’ll likely find me exactly as I was.