Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!
Evil is waiting.
Right next door to me, cunningly disguised as a Wicker Man Reindeer. As Pagan Celtic gods go, this is as ridiculous as it gets.
Fortunately, I have a solution.
However, I don’t think my BB’s are strong enough to take it down. Not that I’m going to quit trying, but it might be a long haul.
However, that said, it’s my aim to have it end up as some kind of version of this:
Because you should never look a gift deer in the mouth. How’s that for sacrifice?
That is all.
17 Comments on The Wicker Deer
Hardnox
28th Nov, 2018 14:11
Use ballistic tipped BBs. One in the head, two center mass. 🙂
Love the Unicorn Tears. LMAO!
Jules Smith
29th Nov, 2018 10:11
Nox! You are wise! I’ll give that a shot! 😉
I know, it’s hilarious, isn’t it?!
LL
28th Nov, 2018 16:11
I have one word: Napalm
Now moving on from there, you must take care because the coming ice age will bring on the full “Game of Thrones” scenario and a BB gun against a white walker won’t help much more than a BB pistol. But napalm…well, napalm is napalm. I can teach you to make it there in your house but you need a way to deliver the napalm. That’s right, a dragon. Take care of Kevin and he will take care of you.
Jules Smith
29th Nov, 2018 10:11
Now you’re talkin’! Go in hard!
It’s amazing how things just slot together, eh LL? Who knew that I’d become Keeper of the Kevin and have to defend the world? But here we are. The throne will be ours!
the late phoenix
28th Nov, 2018 23:11
ah, the film which created Burning Man.
you know why they stopped serving those Unicorn Frappuccinos at Starbucks? instead of having the tongues of fire rain down and everyone speaking in tongues, it just burned peoples’ tongues. folk were looking more for Glossolalia Guice *)
Jules Smith
29th Nov, 2018 10:11
There’s a lot to be said for people and their tongues, my sweet.
Personally, I think there’s already been far too much imbibing of Glossolalia Guice because most people seem to be talking a load of bollocks at the moment. I think a truth serum is called for. Let’s call for a “One Shot, sugar free, sincerityno. No froth.” *)
LSP
29th Nov, 2018 01:11
What a terrifying post.
Of course they all think that paganism’s a great larf while they’re sloshed on cheap cider and making a nuisance of themselves on the high street. Then they wake up in a Wicker Man and it’s ON FIRE.
Nice Glock BB pistol. Make sure the window’s open when you shoot it, or not. Your call!
Jules Smith
29th Nov, 2018 10:11
I knew it would scare you, LSP! Good job I’m looking out for mischievousness this side of the pond!
Exactly! Be careful of your cheap thrills and spills!
Look, I was just getting my aim on the game. Gesturing with my weapon a bit. It didn’t flinch so I’m going to have to brave the rain and wind.
Terry
29th Nov, 2018 01:11
My Dear Julesy….I hate to sound pompous by pointing out the obvious, but you do realize there is a chimney in close proximity to Wicker Reindeer. One that could ‘accidentally’ shower stray sparks onto that evil creation ? Just sayin’….
More importantly, I am unable to enlarge the pic enough to read the plaque entitled “To My Critics”. Please advise.
Love,
~PPS
Jules Smith
29th Nov, 2018 10:11
You, sir, are wise and wily. I will fire up the grill! Soon as it stops bloody raining!
Ah… Just for you, PPS. Hold on, let me go to my garden so I can read it exactly….come along…
Here we are.
“To My Critics”
When I’m in a sober mood I worry, work and think,
When I’m in a drunken mood I gamble, play and drink,
But when my moods are over,
And my time has come to pass,
I hope I’m buried upside down so the world may kiss my arse!
Now THAT’S poetry 😉
Terry
29th Nov, 2018 14:11
THAT is a pure Crowned Jules epigram !
Brrr…it’s chilly out here in the garden, Let’s go in and cuddle by the hearth.
~PPS
Exile on Pain Street
29th Nov, 2018 11:11
I thought that was a real gun. Who wouldn’t? A little bit of Texas in Britain. I like when people post pics of their home. It’s so personal!
Jules Smith
6th Dec, 2018 15:12
Good grief, no, M! This is England! The most dangerous thing here is a spoon and some biting wit!
Then I shall try to please, but, each one of my rooms is very different so reading me is impossible 😉
Masher
30th Nov, 2018 06:11
That really is gross… even when it’s lit up, I bet it looks awful.
The only thing more evil, are the people who put up such things… and then leave them there for months after the event.
Jules Smith
6th Dec, 2018 15:12
Masher, I concur. There’s a woman down the road from me who leaves them unlit and up all year round. Looks a bloody sight. Maybe I should take the wicker deer there!
The Blue Grumpster
1st Dec, 2018 18:12
That’s all? Say it ain’t so! Take it down. TAKE. IT. DOWN.
Jules Smith
6th Dec, 2018 15:12
It suspiciously disappeared, Blue. Either I have secret people looking after me or the neighbours are reading my blog. Either way, it’s a win!
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