Satirical snapshots bringing you….
Sickness. Vile and wretched sickness.
Whimsy? Devoured by heinous bacteria caught from the great, spluttering unwashed as they infect you from every public angle.
I am currently in my bed where I have been for most of the month. This is now the second virus I have contracted in the space of five weeks. I think I had four whole days of feeling semi-alright.
I range between a trembling mass of freezing to death to a slick, sweaty mess. I swear I have lost a stone in liquid. I ache in places I never knew one could ache. Even going for a wee hurts and I sat and cried on the loo yesterday like a three-year-old.
I could give Rip Van Winkle a run for his money on sleeping and yet am still tired to the point of relentless hysteria.
In a nutshell, I’m proper poorly.
I still have twenty odd presents to buy, wrap and deliver, Christmas food to get, turkey to stuff and pigs to blanket.
To add insult to injury I had to leave my car in the garage the other day because some light kept coming on about loss of gear traction. They have informed me today that I need a haldex oil pump which is a mere £850 to replace.
Hahahaha….
It cost me £110 for them to tell me that.
Robbing bastards.
I refused, in an eloquent French sort of way, and now have to fetch my car. But I can’t cos I’m SICK.
I knew I should have jumped ship and gone on a Husky Safari in Lapland like I wanted.
31 Comments on Sick of It!
LL
20th Dec, 2017 16:12
Throw some glitter in the air over yourself and your bed. You (might) will feel better.
Jules Smith
20th Dec, 2017 18:12
Ha! Larry, I might save that glitter for the Land Rover accounts team 🙂
LSP
21st Dec, 2017 04:12
LL makes a very good point. I’ll shoot a couple of unicorns and send on the mounts.
Flu panacea, along with the legendary Lemsip.
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 09:12
Unicorns cure all 🙂
Dalma
20th Dec, 2017 17:12
Should have asked Sion to look at your car!!
Dalma
20th Dec, 2017 17:12
I mean’t Simon…lol
Jules Smith
20th Dec, 2017 18:12
Yeah, I don’t trust that Sion! But, more than happy to get a quote off our Simon!
goatman
20th Dec, 2017 17:12
Sounds like the flu bug. Are you allowed flu shots where you are?
Probably too late; I think they are prophylactic.
Jules Smith
20th Dec, 2017 18:12
Hi Goatman! Yes, we have them here and let me tell you now, next year I will be first in line. Not going through this malarkey again!
LL
21st Dec, 2017 10:12
Some years the flu shots work (because of the specific virus) and some years, those preparing for the next flu season miss the mark. This year, they worked very well in the US of A. Of course, you never know when you’re going to be hit with a strain for which you have little immunity. It’s been my experience that they at least provide partial immunity and they symptoms of flu, when you get it, are softened considerably.
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 10:12
I’ve always figured that I’m bound to get a strain that they haven’t accounted for and therefore have never had one. However, after this month I’m prepared to give it a shot (excuse the pun) because this month it has wiped me out.
the late phoenix
20th Dec, 2017 19:12
i’m okay now but last night around 3AM I was kidnapped by the Trivago Guy with a flamingo from my motel room. still don’t know his real name. here is a dramatic reenactment which aired on Unsolved Mysteries:
https://www.ispot.tv/ad/wEta/trivago-every-trip-is-unique
that guy just doesn’t take the hint i’ve moved on. later he calmed me down with some orange coffee and explained we were going on a husky safari in Lapland. that sounds wonderful mah dahlin, i’m ready for this threesome. this is what happened on my last husky safari:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=A60mDhxHw5Q
*)
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 10:12
That Trivago guy is a bit sinister, my sweet, particularly when inside an inflatable pink flamingo. I can’t believe he’s trying to muscle in on my Husky Safari. No. I’m going to burst his flamingo.
Why are cartoon characters so attractive? *)
the late phoenix
21st Dec, 2017 17:12
they can’t help it, they’re drawn that way *)
Jules Smith
22nd Dec, 2017 09:12
And I’m very drawn to them. *)
Jane Lowe
20th Dec, 2017 21:12
Poor Jules! Everywhere I go there are people coughing and sneezing but I’ve managed to avoid catching anything so far. I hope you recover soon and in time for Christmas.
What are you driving? A Ferrari!!
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 10:12
They are everywhere. I went to an operatic concert and the person behind me coughed all the way through.
Why? Why are you here? How can you hear what’s going on? And, more importantly, why ruin it for others?
“Well, I bought a ticket. Can’t go wasting it.” I don’t know how I keep my patience.
You’d bloody think I drove a Ferrari at that price! Insanity.
LSP
21st Dec, 2017 04:12
Get better! And…
Drive Drama out of the business. But, per LL, throw some glitter over the operation and hey presto! Right. As. Rain. Just you try it and see.
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 10:12
Ha! Yeah, let me know how that goes on the drama front because I just seem to encourage it without trying.
I’m going to. And with my clown nose on. I shall go into 2018 with no prisoners. 🙂
Masher
21st Dec, 2017 05:12
There is plenty of it going around. I’m surprised I haven’t gone down with it yet.
Probably will now… I’ll have caught it off your blog.
Get well soon, Jules.
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 10:12
Masher, I would not be surprised if you caught it from this blog because “Infectious are us” here.
Thank you, I’m trying 🙂
Exile on Pain Street
21st Dec, 2017 11:12
Typically, picturing you writing from bed might be a cause for some salacious musing, but NOT when you put it like this. Ick.
I wonder how much a stone is? Too lazy to Google.
You’d better hope the garage doesn’t start charging you a storage fee.
Merry Christmas, you petite flower. Happy New Year, too.
Jules Smith
21st Dec, 2017 12:12
M, are trying to suggest I’m not attractive when poorly? There’s something quite fetching about a lass sweating in a wildcat onesie, I’ll have you know!
A stone is 14 pounds. I am the new Google.
I’m currently trying to locate none-rip-off mechanics and have discovered I should have been a mechanic because I’d now be residing in Bora Bora.
And to you too, you suave and sophisticated New York gigolo! 😉 Have a gud ‘un!
LL
24th Dec, 2017 23:12
Why are you horsing around with the machine when you should be tucked under the covers sleeping with visions of sugarplums dancing in your head (the drugs make that happen). Sorry you’re still under the weather. Merry Christmas.
Jules Smith
31st Dec, 2017 14:12
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and ever so sorry you caught the lurgy from my blog, LL 😉
Terry
29th Dec, 2017 02:12
I feel terrible being so late in reading your post. Christmas and all….
I do hope by now you are feeling better my friend. I do know that you are not dead, as I have received email from you recently.
I do have 1 question that must be asked of you :
DID YOU SNEEZE ON MY BUDGIE SMUGGLER BEFORE YOU MAILED IT ??
Jules Smith
31st Dec, 2017 14:12
You should feel terrible. Terrible Terry, that’s what I’m gonna call you now amongst other things 😉
Yes. I sneezed on them, blew my nose on them and then dried them out so you wouldn’t notice. It’s too late now, you are infected with the deadly Brit lurgy and there is no cure other than heaps of Spotted Dick!
Azra
29th Dec, 2017 09:12
I’m so terribly sorry to hear that you’ve been ill dear Jules. And it sucks that its at this time of the year too. Wishing you a speedy recovery and sending you lots of love 🙂
Jules Smith
31st Dec, 2017 14:12
Azra! You ray of golden sunshine.
It sucks big time. I’m still ill and on my first ever day out, today, I got stuck in a bloody lift. I may come back out in June.
Happy New Year, you beautiful doll! xx
Hazel
30th Dec, 2017 02:12
Oh the joy of the great unwashed sharing their ‘luv’ … Enough to make anyone want to hibernate or foxtrot Oscar Juliette … Time to Krak Off me thinks ?!
Jules Smith
31st Dec, 2017 14:12
I think Foxtrot, Oscar Juliette and Krak off time is much, MUCH needed. Polish spirit must cure all ills. 🙂
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