I can’t help but think that Nick, the health mentor, may have designs on you since he’ll hunt you down at home if you don’t go to the gym. However, if you hang with it, eat nothing but turkey livers and drink four gallons of water each day, you will be a svelte runway model – and you’ll understand WHY they are all bitches.

This is great! I began laughing at “apology tourettes” and didn’t stop until the end. The MOT sounded awful but your description of how you felt about it made me roar with laughter. I’m with you on your conclusion of the event. I think if I had to live that way I would just as soon head on out to that big gym in the sky.

Yes but what did the bitch think when you got up and left? She probably thought she was stinking up the room or something 🙂 Well, she served her purpose: made a diversion so you could exist before you caught flame! 🙂

Well, I like the New Year. I use it to forgive myself for every stupid decision I made over the previous 12 months. And there are always PLENTY. I start with a fresh slate, which I typical befoul by the third week of January. It never takes long.

I was asked what my goal was when I joined a gym and do you know what? Not only do I not have a goal for the gym, I’ve NEVER had any kind of goal whatsoever. I don’t have the insane, manic career drive of the Chinese or Indians. I’m happily infected with the laissez faire of the Italians.

No caffeine!? That’d be the end of that gym for me.

For some reason, Nick reminds of a character called ‘Nick the Dick’, who appeared in a film called ‘Bachelor Party’. He only had a cameo part, but it was very memorable. To save you the trouble of googling, the URL below will tell you all you need to know about him.

http://vimeo.com/26861233

I think you’d be a lot happier playing a role in that movie than torturing yourself in a gym, Jules.

HA!!!

I LOVED this!! You have SUCH a way with words!!!

I’m already suspect of everyone there as well!!!

~shoes~

And someone bought you a year’s membership to this hell hole? Had you upset them in some way?

Either way, I’m sure we are all looking forward to the pictures of your Naomi Campbell sveltness, that you’ll be posting here in six months.

If you get that far.

Oh ye of little faith, Masher!
I upset everyone. No, it was one of those ‘Careful what you wish for’ situations. I used to say..” well if I went to that posh gym like you do I’d enjoy it, it’s like a spa. I’d sleep better and be fitter and yaddah, yaddah,, ooops..” So, I got one. Meh. Trust me, if I look like a runway model in 6 months I shall become the biggest narcissist the world has seen!

Juli, run! get out of there! i just found out MOT doesn’t stand for moment of truth, it stands for Ministry of Truth. that place is 1984 come true……..ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..though i do now love my mental health mentor Big Brother.

Hahaha! I’m not a big fan of the New Year schlep either. I feel like all we do is Live to regret things on the 31st of December and then start all over again on the 1st of Jan. And what a way to go into the new year, I’m sure you can survive on bird and rabbit food for a while 😉

ah the cholesterol thing – did that for a while but it the rule of thumb is if it’s tasteless and causes major flatulence it’s good for your cholesterol. Can’t you find a downbeat gym where lifting a couple of tinnies of Boddingtons counts as a workout. Kewl post as always …

Too funny. I know what you mean about the fake nicey nice greetings…gagsville. I could live on rabbit food but take away my alcohol and caffeine and you may as well kill me. Good luck to you!

Hello Pullupatoadstool. What a lovely name – I feel transported to Midsummer night’s dream 🙂
Yeah, I’m not going to make it on the food/alcohol/caffeine front. I’m way too tortured to behave so normally. It would crucify my creativity and make me proper nasty!
Thanks for the visit 🙂

LOL!!! Watch out. They’re here for your soul!

Oh my. I’ve missed you the last month. Then again, I may not have been coherently sane for about 3 weeks since I’m overdue on revisions, but hey, that’s a far less demanding crazy than the personal trainer who custom sizes your panties. =) Here’s hoping your reach a “movie-star” physique by next week. 😉

I’m befused: so what does MOT stand for?

Can I lick your face or maybe have your babies? See, this is the sort of gym I have been looking for! I need someone to have my babies. Maybe not so much to lick my face, though. And to have a gym employee take my blood, I think, would be too much for me. That sounds a little creepy. I would like to know more about the beautiful girl in the steam room who made rude noises when she sat down though.

Hello Mr Tenessee 🙂 Oh I thought you were asking me then! I can get you a day pass?
The beautiful girl is now my nemesis. Every time I see her I swim an extra few lengths or run a bit faster. Everyone needs a nemesis to catch. She’s stunning. And squelches.

Now I am really befused! I thought MOT would be some sorrt of medical checkup to assure that your health was adequate to the rigors of exercise and gym-type stuff. How does that relate to the checkup of your car?

Well, I suppose when we hear the words “MOT” here, we think of body check. Whilst that applies to cars in it’s true sense, when it has the word health in front of it you can kind of guess what’s coming. Sorry to confuse, it’s the British way, we’ve done it for years. 😉

I apologize (apologise?) in advance; my Brit speak is cobbled together from Guy Ritchie movies, near-religious viewings of Trainspotting, and a nerdy youthful obsession with Monty Python. Your stories are offering me a master class in British slang, where I am coming from a background of being born in a town of 1000 all white, all Christian Alabamians. (I feel that I have the soul of an Englishman, born in the body of a “redneck.”) So if I step on any toes, it is not intentional! You seem to have a “mad” (crazy?) life! I’m glad that you have the grace to see the absurdity in it and share it with the rest of us!