Whimsy on a Wednesday – How Modern Life Became a Symphony of Stress!
My life is a nonstop barrage of beeps, bings, and bongs. This dawned on me just recently with my iPhone alarm blipping like a foghorn at dawn. I barely have time to swipe it off before Alexa chimes in with her overly cheerful good morning, as if I’ve been dying to hear her voice before a PG Tips teabag has even hit the water.
Downstairs, the microwave dings triumphantly – milk warmed! The coffee machine buzzes like it’s got something to prove, and then the air fryer chimes in letting me know my bacon is sizzling to perfection.
Next up: my neighbour’s electric car. Bong, bong, bong as he backs out of his driveway. Each sound punctuated by the beep of my phone reminding me I’ve got an appointment I’d rather skip and another text message from an unsatisfied friend.
The doorbell bings alerting me to a delivery. Oh wait, false alarm, no one’s there. Oh wait, yes there is. It’s the Parish Council delivering their quarterly.
Then the washing machine finishes its cycle with a sequence of beeps so urgent you’d think it’s about to explode. But no, that’s just a friendly reminder to unload it immediately. The drier wants a go…
And just when I think I might have a moment of peace, the fridge joins the party, shrieking because I’ve left the door open a second too long. God forbid I take an extra moment to figure out where my eggs are. Now it’s just a relentless onslaught: beep, bing, bong, buzz, repeat. Every appliance, every device, every single second until I’m drowning in a sea of electronic noise and it’s not even 9 AM.
So here I am, navigating this madhouse of sound, each beep faster, each bong louder until I’m about to snap, desperately craving just one moment—just one second of blessed, blissful silence. And then, just as I think there’s a hint of reprieve, the smoke alarm starts to gently bully me with a periodic shrill so intense I won’t dare forget it wants a new battery.
ARRRGH.
In other news I have a new ART website which you can visit here. Feel free to share it with everyone you know.
16 Comments on Living in the Beepocalypse
Al Kirk
4th Sep, 2024 18:09
Go outside with your breakfast…. Maybe get some morning Sun or rain… till you hear more truck back up alarms…
I like the new art web page store…
Jules Smith
5th Sep, 2024 17:09
Ha, yeah that’s true! Or the dustbin man’s truck beeping.
Still, the bacon will help, obviously.
Thank you!
the late phoenix
4th Sep, 2024 18:09
right? I mean it’d be cool if we were living in Jetsons times but………sadly we aren’t…
there’s only one solution to all this noise pollution: monastery.
*)
Jules Smith
5th Sep, 2024 17:09
Yes, Monastery is the answer. Or a Buddhist spa. Same thing. *)
LL
4th Sep, 2024 18:09
Put your cell phone in a drawer (ok if it’s on charge). Strangle the Alexa parrot and move to a farm without connectivity. It’s ok to bring Lucifer with you.
Jules Smith
5th Sep, 2024 17:09
I often leave my phone somewhere else so I can do that. It’s all the other noises. I like the idea of a remote would farm. Sounds like your pad!
PS -Season 4 of Slow Horses is out!
Rick Guidotti
4th Sep, 2024 20:09
I believe that is an episode of The Twilight Zone!
Jules Smith
5th Sep, 2024 17:09
I think it should be! I feel like I’m in one!
Terry
4th Sep, 2024 21:09
Julesy I think you should forget the beeps and bleeps and embrace your bong with a new appreciation for mellowness.
Just sayin’
~PPS
Jules Smith
5th Sep, 2024 17:09
Ha! I see what you did there, mucker! That be Pensacola talk.
Love ya then.
Masher
5th Sep, 2024 10:09
I was going to suggest you join the Quakers, as I learnt from a Harrison Ford film many years ago that they live a simple life and eschew all forms of modern technology. However, looking at their website, it would appear that they do now embrace modern day technology, because… well, they have a website.
Anyway, you can’t control them all, but some of those annoyances ARE within your power to turn off, you know. 😉
Jules Smith
5th Sep, 2024 17:09
Masher!
I watched a thing on Quakers and I thought I’d get bored. I like technology, I just don’t think it has to beep so much.
I am constantly being harassed for turning off phone notifications and rarely replying to people. Then they start beeping at me in a different way. Sheesh…
Paul M
6th Sep, 2024 13:09
A viewing of Harrison Ford’s “Witness” is in order (with a very young Kelly McGillis, pre “I prefer woman”). It’s a view into my formative years, save for the Amish part…mostly Pennsylvania Dutch influences, like the best Sticky Buns on the planet.
Jules Smith
6th Sep, 2024 13:09
Well I shall put this on my film list! Thank you, Paul!
Paul M
6th Sep, 2024 13:09
Loved our microwave but too many lightening hits and it quit (or was it planned obsolescence?)…timeout beeps were a perfect 3. Got the same microwave as a replacement…for some reason the geniuses decided to bump the beeps to FIVE…as if three weren’t enough to let you know – in case you didn’t know you were cooking something in there – your coffee or reheated 1-plate meal has been sufficiently warmed. No way to change the 5 to 3, short of clipping the beeper wire. (I have nippers for such things)
Phone noises- Sounds off baby…works like a champ.
Jules Smith
6th Sep, 2024 13:09
I swear these companies do it on purpose, Paul. I think they are in cahoots with the Government and this is a “Pavlov’s Dog” experiment. We all react to the beeps, ya see. So, when the farmlands can’t be farmed anymore and the food runs out, they’ll take us to the brink and start the beeping. I’m getting an allotment and befriending farmers, me.
Yes, that’s torture.
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