The Baptist

Gather ’round, y’all, ’cause I reckon it’s time I told y’all ’bout the legend of a man called Samuel Ezekiel Jedidiah Josiah Billy-Bob Smith, known ’round these parts as “The Baptist.”

Now, Samuel Jedidiah, he was born and raised in the heart of Texas, under the watchful eyes of his devout Baptist folks. Sin, oh boy, sin was the devil’s doings in his eyes. His momma and poppa taught him that clear as the big Texas sky.

One day, young Samuel Jedidiah grew up, and he took that notion of riddin’ the world of sin real serious-like. So serious, he became a hitman for the Lord, hand-pickin’ sinners to meet their maker. Drivin’ that big black Dodge Ram with a license plate that hollered “Jesus”,  sportin’ his worn cowboy hat and spurs that jangled louder than church bells. Y’all might want to feel afeared if you heard those jingle bobs singin’ down the dirt path.

You see, he’d roam the vastness of Texas, huntin’ down them sinners. He’d stand tall and square in front of ’em, tellin’ ’em to repent. Them sinners, they’d take a shot at redemption, but miraculously, every bullet seemed to dodge The Baptist. Some folks say it was divine intervention.

Samuel Jedidiah enjoyed doing God’s holy work. If he spied ya from his truck, well, you best watch your step. He’d judge ya and, if needed, he’d dispatch ya on to meet Jesus. He reckoned it was his callin’.

Moral of this tale, friends, is to tread lightly and mind your actions, ’cause if The Baptist’s Dodge is parked near, reckon it might just be our Lord and Saviour givin’ you a sign, warnin’ you to clean up yer act before The Baptist pays ya a visit. And he’ll be sure to show y’all, there ain’t no dodgin’ God.

Inktober 2023

31 prompts – 31 drawings – 31 tales.