Satirical snapshots bringing you whimsy on a wednesday (still from across the pond) and a day and a half late….
Forgive me?
My adorable public. I’ve had so many messages wanting to know where my Wednesday post is and what did I do? Go and let y’all down. Outrageous. But, it wasn’t my fault. I went out adventuring into the deep thick of it all and I was miles from internet land. Let’s blame technology and not me because obviously, I never do anything wrong.
For the English
Before I continue, let’s take a look at this:
Now you don’t see that at Heathrow, ever. Worst case scenario? No aerosols.
There’s menace in them there country hills
Of course, I arrived.. and not that there were really any hills. More flat and forever.
Love the Texan countryside. It’s got that old soul feel and freedom about it. The sun shone down with ferocity, her beautiful golden rays casting amber hues across the land from the vast, blue sky. The sound of insects chirped in the still and sultry heat as wheels of a pick up truck bounced along and kicked up dry dirt from a country path. Rickety wooden houses dotted themselves here and there with rusty old tractors abandoned in their fields an era ago, the colour of burnished copper; extinct and yet full of story like beautiful art.
You could see for miles and miles and miles (OK, enough of the Pete Townsend) and then some. It’s nothing like England but it did remind me of rural, northern France. Just bigger. Texas, innit.
Mission? Ammunition.
Bullets? oh yes, just here at the supermarket. GET A GRIP ASDA! This shop is much more fun….
Look, even the customers agree..
So since I was off out on a little junket to play with guns, bullets were purchased. Just like that. Along with ear plugs for me because I am truly pathetic when it comes to loud bangs. I jump out of my skin at the sound of a balloon bursting so having me with a deadly assault rifle and then making loud noises is a recipe for disaster.
Show me your weapon
38 Special, Ruger American .22 and an AR15. Cool toys.
I have to say that the snubby little 38 was very arty and exquisite. What a beautiful, deadly little thing. It would look fabulous in my cowboy boot or next to my lippy in my handbag. Like carrying a compact round but better.
However, all three were very cool toys.
God save the Queen.
Hmmmm…..Now I’m all for that. Pomp, pageantry and patriotism. Naturally. I don’t want to be thrown in The Tower of London and later beheaded. But look, it’s not my fault she puts her face on the money. It was her or Winston. Tough call. Pot luck.
Mission number 2? Obliterate the indestructible fiver…or….will it survive?
The Results
Right, let’s give it some dinner! Get past this one, fiver.. Yeah..
How’s it looking now?
Not so clever now, polymer!
Time to blow this beauty off the board!
Boom! Heh..
Try spending that at the pound shop, baby!
I’m not sure if it’s illegal to deface Sterling currency…however, since I’m in Texas, what can they do? On that note, time for some BBQ and a celebratory Margarita!
23 Comments on Indestructible, Eh?
Break Red
28th Oct, 2016 04:10
Wow! Jules, I’m super impressed. You look great with that firearm. That five note didn’t stand a chance by the looks of it. Go girl!
Jules Smith
28th Oct, 2016 16:10
Thank you very much, Break red. Mission accomplished! However, so much fun I must do it again.
LL
28th Oct, 2016 04:10
You shot the heck out of the Queen.
Going to the compound with a Church of England pastor and blazing away with firearms is commendable. A step up from the Cowboy church.
LSP
28th Oct, 2016 15:10
LL, we didn’t like shooting HRH EII but the Fiver had to go…
Jules Smith
28th Oct, 2016 16:10
Larry, the Queen totally got it. Thats me not getting a damehood. Oh well. Honorary Texan instead!
Gorilla Bananas
28th Oct, 2016 06:10
That’s damn fine shooting, Jules! I’d need to know how far you were from the target to use you in bandit country, but I’d bet on you winning a cuddly toy in the funfair. Defacing Her Majesty’s currency is a crime punishable by having your shoulders bitten by a hungry vampire. 🙂
Jules Smith
28th Oct, 2016 16:10
About 50-70 yards Mr. Gorilla Bananas. You may hire me whenever you need me in the thick of it or at the fair. I think I’ll definitely be able to win you a goldfish.
Since I’ve already been bitten to pieces by a gazillion mosquitoes, the vampire is going to have trouble finding a soft spot.
Masher
28th Oct, 2016 09:10
Despite your impressive demonstration, Jules, the Royal Mint are already fully aware of some of the shortcomings of it’s new “indestructable” Five Pound note.
These shortcomings will be addressed next year when they release their new “undestroyable” Ten Pound note.
The new tenner is said to be encased in a new, stronger polymer that is not only waterproof and fireproof, but is also 9mm Uzi resistant.
The Twenty Pound note – due in 2019 – is said to be battleground hardened, able to withstand 120mm armour-piercing shells.
And the new £2 coin could easily take someone’s eye out.
Jules Smith
28th Oct, 2016 16:10
Now that’s what I like to hear, Masher! We may not have guns in the UK but our money can take you down in an instant! Come 2019 we will be indestructible and back to our former imperial glory! It’s on the money!
LSP
28th Oct, 2016 15:10
Jules, you win the “drop the fiver at 50 yards” competition.
Short range self-defence drills with the Snubby went well too. and the deadly assault rifle?
What can I say. Fiver, you lose.
Jules Smith
28th Oct, 2016 16:10
LSP, I win the prize? What do I win? A fiver?……….
Fiver lost out BIG TIME.
Thank you for your most excellent teaching skills and infinite patience! Great day.
the late phoenix
28th Oct, 2016 18:10
no, no gun in Rock Paper Scissors. like the bible, Rock Paper Scissors was never meant to address modern problems. Brexit has changed a lot of things, but your european center-cut bacon is still the best. *clay pigeon emoji* *)
Jules Smith
29th Oct, 2016 17:10
Hmmm, not so sure about that, my sweet. I think that Rock, Paper, Scissors can be used quite effectively for modern problems. Keep it simple, I say. The world is already far too complicated. Like parables in “The Book” can be used to apply some form of ambiguous logic to things. Allegedly. I get rather confused myself. Black and white, me.
Let’s start with this – European bacon is a far cry from English bacon. I feel I have to make this clear. Our bacon is the one you want and of which you speak that lends itself beautifully to a traditional fry up. Brexit for bacon. However, I am rather smitten by your American crispy version. In fact, to the point of obsessive. *)
Tracy
29th Oct, 2016 05:10
Nice shootin’ there sister! Love target shooting. Need to come to Texas lol.
Jules Smith
29th Oct, 2016 17:10
Gotta keep the girl power up! I wish you could! We’d be menacing! x
(PS – I will call you later today)
Exile on Pain Street
31st Oct, 2016 10:10
Needing to be TOLD not to bring firearms on a plane. Guns I win. You could’ve titled this post, “Why the U.S. is so fucked up.”
Jules Smith
31st Oct, 2016 15:10
Yes, M, I found that quite bizarre but it seems you have to tell people the most obvious things.
I don’t think you’ll be getting rid of guns in your country anytime soon and to be honest I have a mixed opinion on the subject having spent a lot of time here. It’s different in the UK. For one we very small and two we are surrounded by water. Two gun incidents in our land had all guns handed in. Admittedly, gangs can still get hold of them but they tend to shoot each other. We are not going to be infiltrated with weaponry like your country which has nefarious operations crossing your border and bringing arms and other things in. With that in mind, I think it’s safer to have good, honest armed citizens able to take down any reprobate that goes mental. It’s like any tool, it’s the person behind it that is the issue. I have a knives in my kitchen and could go doolally crazy with one of those. Admittedly, that’s not going to cause as much damage as a gun but if I took my 2.5 ton car and drove it into a crowd it would. The people I know with guns are very strict with their weapons and respect them for what they are. It’s the one’s who aren’t the are the problem. I think your gun laws need to be more strict and yearly psychological/GP evaluation given to those who own them. There are too many innocent people getting killed by guns and that has to stop.
Solaratov
2nd Nov, 2016 09:11
They still have the signs because, at one time – when America was still a free country – one was able to carry one’s guns straight onto the plane. Long guns were put into the coat closet up front and handguns were either in one’s carry-on or on one’s belt.
And there were no “incidents”. In fact, I had stewardesses tell me that it made them feel safer to know that there were armed passengers aboard.
The two incidents that got GB disarmed wouldn’t have done it here in the USA. But it seems that in GB, they want to be directed and protected by the nanny state; and nanny isn’t doing much of a job protecting anyone other than your muzlim immigrants. Which is pretty much why your British men remain “boys” forever. They don’t have to grow up, so they don’t.
And, the idea of gun owners getting a “yearly psych exam” is silly. a)It wouldn’t do any good because the most dangerous psychopaths would pass easily; and b)there are millions of people who own guns that always were and still are off the books. ie:no one knows that they exist or who owns them; and those guns and gun-owners are never going to be registered….and they’ll be passed down in the family, still of the books, from one generation to another.
Also, innocent people have always been killed in one way or another. Many more are killed in auto accidents than by guns – but no one suggests putting speed limiters on cars. More children drown than are killed with guns – but no one seems to want to put controls on private swimming pools.
All of that stuff about “innocents” being killed sounds good to the anti-gun crowd; but isn’t a really big part of deaths by guns. Look at Chicago – over 600 deaths so far this year – and they have the toughest anti-gun laws in the nation. It doesn’t seem to do them much good, does it?
And, did you have a psychological exam before you went out and shot up your last fiver? I’d bet not. For all anyone knew, you could have been a nut-case on the edge of going completely hermantile and running amok with an assault rifle in downtown Austin. Why didn’t you follow your own advice and have a quick psych exam just to be on the safe side?
That seems just a tad hypocritical, doesn’t it?
Jules Smith
2nd Nov, 2016 16:11
Totally disagree with anyone being able to carry a gun on board. Insanity. You wanna see the people I sometimes sit next to.
You seem to have an “issue” with the British boys, Sol. I can assure you they aren’t the mamby pamby beta boys you think they are. Having a gun doesn’t make you a man.
There are well known tests for psychopaths – The Hare psychopath checklist. Also, a general practitioners evaluation on depression, anxiety, onset of dementia etc…anything that would lead to a questionable mind set. Not that difficult to put in place and may make a difference. Surely it’s worth a shot? Better than having a load of kids shot down in a school or innocent people out enjoying themselves. Not acceptable.
As for me? Everyone knows I have the soundest of minds.
Solaratov
5th Nov, 2016 23:11
I have no issues with British “boys”. I just find it hard to believe that they will prevail when the islamofascists that you have flooded your country with decide to take things over and institute sharia law throughout GB. They won’t prevail without outside help…again.
And of course everyone knows you have the soundest of minds…and the most careless of other people’s feelings (as a typical female).
Solaratov
6th Nov, 2016 06:11
And you might have shot better if you had worn a bra.
The Blue Grumpster
2nd Nov, 2016 19:11
The pound shop should put it in a frame now that it’s worth so much more. Jules was here!
No aerosols? Say it ain’t so….
Jules Smith
2nd Nov, 2016 19:11
Good thinking, Blue! You should rule the world. You’re the best.:)
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