Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!
It’s funny how everyday things that happen can suddenly give you ideas, don’t ya think?
Follow my lead here, if you will.
Spiny Tail Lizards
Meet Kevin, the uromastyx who is a new addition to the household.
I imagined him growing up to be Godzilla and he and I could team up as superheroes and save the city from doom. As I was thinking about this far-fetched yet delightful scenario someone asked me what I wanted for my recent birthday.
Frankly, I’m getting tired of asking for an Aston Martin because it never happens and my desires have changed a little.
“A gun,” I said, thinking that Godzilla Kevin and I could do with extra protection in this crazy world.
“Why can’t you ask for something normal like makeup or clothes?”
*eye roll*
“Because I don’t do ‘normal’. Buy me something that leads to fun or adventure like a junket or a balloon ride or a gun. The most powerful and best BB gun that you can buy so I can take that drone out when it comes back in summer. And protect Kevin from birds of prey.”
Single File Traffic
I left it at that and went off to a party. When I returned home I noticed that the non-existent workmen, who have been causing my road to be in a permanent state of congestion, had left their road sign on my grass. Slightly annoyed and full of party fervour devilment, I decided to steal it because I remain 15 years old no matter how many birthdays I have. I went to sleep very proud of myself.
I woke up the next day and looked at the large melon I had decided to buy in an attempt to be healthy and full of life-giving nutrients and promptly put the bacon under the grill.
Whatever.
“You might enjoy this melon, Kevin, but I’m more about the proper breakfast. We have the future to save and you can’t do that full of fruit.”
I ate my bacon butty as I stared outside at my new road sign adorning the patio and Kevin went back in his cave. Typical male.
Bad “Bewwwts” JuJu and Killer Kevin
I could see the movie in my mind. Nonstop superhero, sci-fi action! But in order to become a specialist in the superhero field, one needs constant practice and imagination. Armed with only a melon, a street sign and a couple of old beer cans I engineered a plan of action. What could possibly go wrong?
The future is bright; the future is saved. Me and the Kevster have got your back 😉
22 Comments on Godzilla, Guns And Gumption!
Exile on Pain Street
25th Apr, 2018 11:04
Am I first? No way!
Uromastyx is a made-up word. You just swiped your hands across the keyboard, didn’t you?
Guns freak me out. I get their appeal but they freak me out. Especially out here in this gun-obsessed country. Civilians owning military-grade weapons. What’s wrong with this place?
Jules Smith
25th Apr, 2018 14:04
You are the first!
It’s a real word, I swear. And it’s a real Godzilla!
They used to freak me out too so I decided to learn how to use lots of them and then I really got into it as a sport.
You have the right to bear arms and in your country I do believe that taking them from the sensible gun owners will not stop the idiots who will still get hold of them and do atrocious things. But that’s a whole other topic. Worry not, I have my lizard and BB gun to protect you if things get proper ridiculous 😉
Exile on Pain Street
26th Apr, 2018 11:04
I believe in the right to bear arms as well but not the right to own weapons that were made specifically for warfare, armour-piercing rounds, bump stocks, certain types of clips or other means of causing mayhem. The line between protection/hunting and conducting an assault isn’t a thin one.
Jules Smith
27th Apr, 2018 19:04
it’s a contentious issue, M.
Rick
25th Apr, 2018 11:04
Just to spoil your immense sense of satisfaction at nicking the road sign, no-one will notice you know ‘cos there are never any bloody workmen there!!!
Jules Smith
25th Apr, 2018 14:04
I flippin’ know! I’ve just been out there and seen a massive line of traffic and not a bloody worker in sight! I’m going for the cones next! Haha! 🙂
LL
25th Apr, 2018 15:04
Godzilla (the infant) is a good choice for a pet and he’ll make a traveling companion – a ‘service animal’ if ever I’ve seen one. You need to make a tiny vest for him to wear on the airplane that says “Service Lizard” so that they’ll allow you to hold him and feed him baby mice or whatever he eats. You’d be a hit on the long haul from Heathrow to Houston. If they require you to buy a seat for Kevin, do it now while he’s small enough, because when he’s grown up we know that he’ll be out there swatting jet fighters and stomping on tanks.
As to a firearm, yes you need one. As you know, I carry one wherever I go in the US of A. Better to have and not need than need and not have. Store it at LSP’s arsenal.
Jules Smith
25th Apr, 2018 17:04
I think it would be very cool and bonkers to walk around with a lizard, so I like it. However, we need to determine your version of “vest”. If you mean a material shirt with “KEV TEAM” blazoned on it, then great, but if you mean bodywarmer but you’re just not saying it hoping I will fall for this fashion faux pas, then NO WAY.
Kevin in the future. Well trained giant Godzilla pets!
Put them in his church! Nobody would ever think of looking there!
vonmesser
25th Apr, 2018 18:04
Hey, sweetie,
My airsoft is battery powered, can kill a rabbit or squirrel, and shoots fully automatic. Get the MP40 for fun. They also make a 6mm paintball for the airsoft.
Jules Smith
25th Apr, 2018 20:04
Hey, VM!
I read about the battery powered versions and they seem awesome! Right, I shall add the MP40 to my wishlist! Going to go look at that now. Thank you, sir! 🙂
Hardnox
25th Apr, 2018 18:04
LOL. Kevin does have that Zilla look about him. Best not travel Delta Airlines with him as a companion animal otherwise they will flush Kevin. 🙂
Good shootin’ girl. Firearms are like fire extinguishers. Don’t always need one until you really need it.
People vilify gun use or ownership. America has 300 million guns owned by 80 million people. IF firearms were an actual problem it would be self-evident very quickly. It is estimated that between 4-6 million times a year crimes (including murders) are prevented. That never makes the news. The focus is always on the gun and never on the mental cases or criminals out there. Especially the nuts and criminals that seem to go through the revolving doors in our courts.
Jules Smith
25th Apr, 2018 20:04
He is going to be the next Zilla, Nox, I’m tellin’ ya! He’s got killer written all over him!
Thank you! I keep practicing because I want to be the bestest! 🙂
Yes, keep nasty weapons of any kind away from nutters. However, over here we do that and they just go and buy acid. Nice. There will always be this problem and that’s what should be focussed on. How you sort that out, God knows.
Masher
25th Apr, 2018 21:04
Hey, you’re a damn good shot… for a girl 😉
Never mind nicking the traffic cones: when I was kid, me and my mate used to nick the flashing orange lamps that they put on top of the cones. Much more fun. We had fifteen of them once, all flashing away in his bedroom, like an orange discoteque!
Jules Smith
26th Apr, 2018 09:04
You cheeky sod! Thanks, Masher.
These cones don’t have flashing orange lights, if they did, I’d be doing a Masher’s rave in the bedroom retro retake!
LSP
26th Apr, 2018 06:04
I love guns, especially the military grade ones which remind me of the military; nostalgia, in a way. But good work with that Glock style practice pistol! Just mind the eyes; it’s all fun and games until you turn round and there’s a BB in your cornea.
Ad Astra.
Jules Smith
26th Apr, 2018 09:04
Thank you, Lone Star Parson! I know. The first time I shot it to see what happened the ball flew back in my face and I thought, “Hmmm.. that could have been a blinding experience.”
LSP
30th Apr, 2018 05:04
Speaking of which, I was shooting a Glock 21 once (.45 ACP, thank you very much) against some steel plates, and a bit of the bullet blew back and stuck in my thumb. Nothing radical, just a small bit of shrapnel. It was odd because I could see the ricochet coming at me, in a kind of slow motion. Anyway, pulled the metal out and carried on shooting, no harm done. But imagine that hot lead hitting your eye!
A bit like wimmyn priests. It’s all fun and games until they’re looking down at you, from the CEILING.
Jules Smith
30th Apr, 2018 12:04
Oh my goodness! That could have been a nastier tale! I found the street sign did the same thing with the BB gun! They just bounced back into my face at an alarming speed! Serves me right for nicking it!
What a very scary thought. 🙂
the late phoenix
27th Apr, 2018 00:04
I was with dad one morning leisurely advancing on an English country road. he barked something at me, I was too rapt in my head concentrating on wandering to listen.
turns out we were going to the pound to get a new family member. Noops put the receiver up to the baby’s ear Back To The Future-style so he could be rocked to sleep, they were out of Baby Mozart. once Godzilla heard this…:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=98&v=fJ9rUzIMcZQ
…he became Bowser
*)
Jules Smith
27th Apr, 2018 19:04
I LOVE that story, my sweet! I can picture it now!
Kevin loves Queen. He will soon be Bowser. *)
Terry
3rd May, 2018 01:05
You say you and Kevin could “team up as superheroes and save the city from doom” ?
My Dear Julesy, ‘Zilla don’t do no savin’ !
https://youtu.be/C0cu7iYNQN8
For that matter, I’m sure you do a bit more razing than saving of towns yourself.
Love Ya,
~PPS
Jules Smith
3rd May, 2018 11:05
Exactly, PPS! That’s what I call a party! 😉
Love ya more!
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