This Whimsy on A Wednesday is a cryptocurrency comedy. 

My mother is helping to deal with the estate of a wonderful man who has very sadly passed away. God bless his soul. The good always leave us too soon.

If you’ve ever dealt with someone’s affairs you will know that it can be a challenging area to navigate.  My mother told me, during a little chat over a rather lovely quiche and a bit of a salad, that she’d had the most peculiar email.

“They wrote to him you know. They wrote and asked him if he was really dead.”

“What the hell? Did you reply?”

“No, not yet.”

“You should. It would be best if you said, ‘Yes, the rumours are true. However, I’ve got a nice pad up here with the angels and I can’t be long as we’re about to have a game of cloud croquet. However, you might want to know that I’ve seen this week’s list of new arrivals and you’re on it! Have a nice day! See you soon!’”

I mean is this the state of things? Are there that many scams you now have to prove your demise? 

And then she told me about another thing. 

She’s got the Bitcoin between her teeth

“I’ve found that he had invested in cryptocurrency. There were several apps on his phone and we needed to find out exactly what was where to go through probate.”

“Right.”

“Well, it took me ages to get hold of one of these bitcoin companies and when I eventually did, I found they were in Germany.” She took a sip of her tea.

“Ah. Achtung Spitfire! …Just kidding.” I find that sometimes you have to be inappropriate when discussing difficult things. 

“I had to start emailing a German girl named Ana to find out the balance in his crypto account. But she wouldn’t tell me anything without a death certificate.”

“OK. Makes sense.”

“No. This woman would not cave. I sent a photo of the certificate but she said she couldn’t read it. We had to photograph it several times before she was happy and then she said it wasn’t sufficient and she needed a PDF.” 

“OK. Well, did you sort that out?”

“Yes. But then she still wouldn’t tell me what was in the account!”

“Why not? I said, taking a massive bite of the quiche and spilling egg all down my front. 

My mother sighed and shook her head. She looked worn out, bless her. I poured her another Earl Grey from the Willow patterned teapot. 

“She said she needed the passports of all people dealing with the estate. So I had to get that sorted out. And then she wanted proof of address and date of birth. Honestly, she wanted to know everything.”

“Hmmm, I don’t like the sound of this,” I said.  At this point, I’m convinced my mother is being scammed by some dodgy crypto dealer who is likely selling her identity and racking up a ton of debt in her name. I’m thinking of ways I can find out who this person is and fly off to Deutschland for a Great British showdown.

“Well, I was getting concerned too. When I asked her again to please tell me what was in the account, she said she’d have to go away and talk to someone in management.”

“Oh my Lord. This is insane! Does it have millions of pounds in it or something?”

“The whole thing was starting to get beyond ridiculous. She then came back and said they couldn’t tell me anything without a grant of probate certificate.”

“What?”

“That’s when I lost it. I told her quite sternly, ‘I can’t get probate without knowing what’s in the bloody account!’”

“So did she tell you or did you need to give a blood sample first?”

“Yes. She told me.”  My mum gave me one of those looks that meant I had to steady myself.”

“Well, go on then, how much was in it? I said, holding my breath.

“£1.50.”

All the ways about here belong to me Tex

This week sees Tex having tea and crumpets with the Red Queen! As requested by Al Kirk, who has gone one step further in the Tex stamp challenge by having Tex do an activity with someone else. There’s always one.  Always one who likes to push the boundaries.