Howdy Y’all!

Here I am reporting directly from Texas having landed safe and secure and yet to be arrested or shot. It’s early days but let me tell you my findings so far:

First off, after a ten hour flight and some dodgy chicken pasta courtesy of BA, I had to wait in a queue for AN HOUR AND A HALF before getting through passport control. Note to Americans: This is not good. As your allies and cousins from across the pond, we should be fast tracked through as priority. I don’t get this kind of hassle in France, just sayin’.

My wonderful friends came to fetch me in a car SO big I needed a ladder to get in. Their car is like an English town house on wheels.

It’s hot. Humid. That sort of weather that makes it feel like you’ve walked into a hot steamy bathroom. I don’t think it was necessary to bring a coat.

Southern hospitality is fabulous. I feel like a princess. I like that people are aware of my royalty. I was greeted with yellow roses on my arrival and Champagne. Take note English people – this is my new level of expectation.

Americans are proper nice and so accommodating that I want to hug them all to bits.

So far I have eaten the following: Ribs, French dip, a pizza so big it was as large as the table. The food so far is very tasty and bountiful. Starving is unlikely.

I went to a supermarket called Wholefoods and found things like this:

Yes…Cowboy burgers.

I’m not happy about this. They’re trying to upstage me on the trifle front here. I need to take action.

OH MY YOG! I found it funny.

And this little beauty….

A bar and on site brewery IN the supermarket. What a marvellous idea. How have the Brits neglected to think of this? Note to Asda in the UK: Customers will be much happier if bars were put in store and I think sales would increase dramatically if you got your buyers drunk and ready to part more freely with their cash. Genius. Have made this supermarket my favourite go to.

Iced tea.

No. Never again. I made the effort to try it since it’s a local drink. It’s like cold, dirty dish water. I drank it as I was in a cafe and the waiter was ever so nice and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. There wasn’t a nearby plant that I could tip the drink into otherwise that’s what would’ve happened. Before I got to one inch off finishing HE BROUGHT ME ANOTHER without me asking. I wanted to cry. I got halfway down and quickly asked for the bill incase I became trapped in an iced tea nightmare.

I went to a huge shopping centre called La Galleria. It’s SO big that there’s an ice rink in the middle of one of the sections.. It’s SO big that to get to each section you have to go outside and cross the road to get to the next bit. They even have hotels inside. I think this is incase you get too tired from shopping and can’t take another step further, you will be able to fall straight into a bed and continue in the morning.