Whimsy on a Wednesday with an artistic guide to moving, instructions, and biblical baking

I’m over halfway on the 100 Days Of Wonder challenge and have kept my part of the bargain. In respect of my discipline and tenacity I feel we should start with a little bit of art philosophy.

rustic (adjective)

• • Relating to or typical of country life or the countryside; simple, unsophisticated, or plain. 
  • Example: “The cabin had a simple rustic charm with its wooden table full of meadow flowers”

The old farmhouse’s weathered wooden exterior blended seamlessly with the natural surroundings. Inside, the atmosphere was warm with a distinct rustic charm that spoke of simpler times. A large stone fireplace dominated the living room and the walls were adorned with handcrafted pressed flower plates and old sepia photographs.

Outside, the sprawling fields stretched out as far as the eye could see, dotted with farm animals and seasonal crops. The air was permeated with the scent of hay and earth; the aroma of tranquility and rural bliss.

As the sun lazily stretched into blue dreams, it was easy to forget the hustle and bustle of the modern world. 

This painting is now for sale for £8, 642.23  That’s about the amount I need for a few jobs around here.

Talking of around here…

I’ve actually sold my house to a couple of doctors. They want in quick. That means I might not have anywhere to live because my village abode in Marmalade Town has to be vacated by the current lovely tenants. This means before I get to rule a village I have to find somewhere to stay. I feel a jaunty trip to somewhere exciting coming on…

Talking of dilemmas…

My mother has taken away one of my stresses by buying me a cling film contraption. What I am about to tell you will come as no surprise to long-time readers of this here blog. I couldn’t figure out how it worked. I nearly lobbed that out of the window. Sometimes, mostly, and very now and then, I can’t be arsed to read instructions. When I have to, I feel inadequate and I think this makes my brain switch off.  I am unable to take in instructions without getting very cross. Why does this make me so angry?

I have to calm myself down and then re-read them carefully. I often find that instructions do not talk in my language, It might be in English but it makes no sense to me. I am like this with knitting patterns too. I was also given a bag to make not long ago, as an experiment from a company who make kits. They must have thought that if I could understand it then it’d be OK. However, I did it totally differently to the way they said because one part of the instructions did my head in and sent me into a frenzy. I swear to God it’s like reading in tongues. 

The Cling Film Contraption now works and I am very pleased at its ease of use. Game changer.

Now, give me a recipe and I get that. However, that is probably because I don’t do it exactly. I always change some things and improve them. You can take recipe rules with a pinch of salt (see what I did there?) They are more like guidelines. 

Talking of recipes…

If it doesn’t stop sodding well raining I’m going to start growing fins. Relentless. Recipe for disaster on many levels. If any Brits are reading this, you know what I’m talking about. I mean, is there actually any point in drying your hair? Even my brolly has lost the will to waterproof. Every now and then spring pokes here head round the corner only to be scared off by the grey army. 

Talking of real recipes…

That there is my Simnel cake. I made it for my mother for Easter. Never made one before and probably won’t again. Reason being is that it took about 5 hours of my life away when I could have bought one for 3 quid. I enjoyed making the marzipan balls for the apostles and eating Judas the betrayer. He’s not allowed on top so I chomped his arse. Nice. I love marzipan. However, I inadvertently bought pale marzipan rather than canary yellow. I didn’t realise there was another colour so my cake ended up looking a bit washed out and amateur hour. 

Still, it was mighty delicious. However I don’t think my mother was impressed enough when I brought it to her face. 

“Look at this magnificence!” I said

“Yes, darling. Very nice. Go and put it in the pantry.”

“The pantry? The pantry?! This requires a PEDASTAL!”

“Over there. In the pantry. Quickly, I’m busy.”

“I don’t feel you are taking my cake seriously enough.”

So whilst I enjoy cooking and baking I am most upset when we don’t have a lengthy table discussion about my efforts. 

Talking of efforts…

I have to put a lot of that into my next paintings and also now packing boxes. I’ve opened the cupboards a few times, looked in and thought. “No. Can’t cope.” What an ordeal that is going to be. 

Somebody fetch the cling film – this one is a wrap.