ARRRRRR! Shiver Me Timbers, Scallywags! 

This is yer cap’n ‘ere, Jules ‘The Travelling Taleteller’ Smithy.  I’m marooned for a month in them thar Cornish hills oer lookin’ the briny deep. I got me some grog and I’m in search of whatever booty I can find, me hearties.  Yo-Ho-Ho!

Anyway, I’m settled in Limpet Lodge in Cornwall. I love it here. It’s been ages since I came because it’s such a trek to get to. No matter where you live in the UK it always takes at least  5-7 hours to get to Cornwall. I think this is why a lot of people stay in Devon because they just can’t make it any further. 

“Brian, my arse is as numb as a block of ice, I think grandma is dead and one of the kids has puked all over the dog. I’m not sure if the car’s on fire or it’s looking a bit black over Bill’s mother’s but can we please just stop now and be done with it?”  And that’s why Devon is always busy. 

I have made it right down near the bottom leg and intend to visit a new place a day, weather and bank holiday dependant. There are lots of Bank holidays in May and there’s an extra one for the King’s Coronation. Most people go to the seaside on Bank Holidays, if it’s not pissing it down with rain, so the sensible thing is not to. However, in Cornish Cornwall, there are many little coves to explore and great swathes of sand allowing you to escape the masses. It has a rugged beauty yet unspoilt by man, great coastal walks, tin mines, Cornish pasties, clotted cream, and Cornish ice cream. This is not a place to diet. 

There’s a great walk along the North Quay

That travels along to the Towans 

That ends up at a rather nice beach shack with a Florida Keys vibe.

Here you can get fresh seafood, dirty loaded fries, and wash it down with a local peach beer. 

Followed by a long walk with my trusty, 14-year-old Jack Russell as I can’t have wolves terrorising the area

And JR Terriers are known for seeing off seagulls who try and make off with your pasty.  There’s one who lives at the house where I’m staying and comes to the garden to steal the food. The neighbours tell me his name is Steve. ( Steven Seagal) I quite like the cheeky little fellow. 

I then went to Penzance to find a pirate and a pasty

and ended up going right off-piste with a fresh crab sandwich.

I visited the lighthouse at Pendeen on the rugged north coast

where I very nearly bought a watchtower not so long ago

I wish I had now as the views are stunning and this area is on the tin mine trail.

I love the coastal flowers, gorse, and heather that grows here.

I then drove on to Land’s End to see if I could fall off the edge of England. I found the first and last inn (depending on which way you’re going) 

The last refreshment house 

And last Royal Mail postbox

I then settled down for a nice Cornish pasty. Again. This is becoming a habit already.

Back in the day, Cornish pasties were the food of the miners. A filling lunch of cabs, meat and veg all wrapped up in an easy-to-carry pastry casing.  A true pasty always has a thick crimped edge. This was so the miners could hold it easily and the crust would soak up the arsenic from their fingers and then be discarded. Though many believe the crusts were thrown to the ‘knockers” who were the mine’s mischievous spirits. Such a waste as the crust is one of the best bits – all buttery shortcrust pastry that’s crispy on the outside and doughy in the middle with all the seasoning from the inside. My word, I’m salivating as I type this.

Anyway, that’s enough for now as I have a seaside to conquer so I’ll leave you with this little Cornish sea shanty in case you were very stupidly thinking about getting a bit brave. 

Come gather ’round ye hearty souls,

And listen to the tale I tell

Of Jules, the pirate queen of old,

Whose stories bewitched and beguiled so well.

She sailed the seas with her trusty crew,

And plundered all along the shore.

With every heist she’d tell a story anew,

And leave her victims wanting more.

They say she had a voice so sweet,

It could calm the fiercest stormy sea.

And when she spoke, all were at her feet,

Captivated by her whimsy-oh-so-free.

But don’t be fooled by Jules’ charm,

For she was a pirate through and through.

Her tales were just a clever charm,

To distract you as she stole from you.

So if you see her ship at Marazion,

And hear her siren call of lore,

Beware, my friend, of Jules’ horizon,

Cos she’ll take your booty and leave you poor.