Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy on a Wednesday!
Today, rather than whimsy, this post is more about wisdom. As in I shall be imparting some wisdom which may seem laughable coming from someone who stumbles through life thinking, “Let’s see what happens if I do this…”
If you are ever thinking of owning a wolfdog then there are things you need to know
They are nuts –Seriously. This is not like your normal pet dog. They do the oddest things.
Needy McNeedy
Wherever you go they too will follow. Everywhere.
Get Your Teeth Into This
If you dare to go out and leave them behind they will eat anything they can in order to go and find where you are. They can chew through wood, plastic, and utensils in a matter of minutes.
Who Sings That?
They don’t bark – hardly ever. They howl. Head thrown back in full falsetto fermata until you come back.
Smartly Defiant
Easy to train because they are very smart but also hard to train because they are wilful beyond belief. They make a fractious toddler with a belly full of E numbers on a violent meltdown seem like a walk in the park. You need to be both patient and tough and not give an inch. However, because you get used to doing this on a daily basis you must remember not to treat people the same way regardless of how much fun that can be.
Either You Like Bacon Or You’re Wrong
If you’re brave enough to eat bacon in the morning you will be seriously intimidated all the way through your breakfast butty. Oh, and they’re as tall as your kitchen counter so don’t walk off and leave anything tasty unattended.
The Big Outside
Come wind, rain, snow, hangovers, illness, or other – you are going out to play every day. You will be much fitter if not a little permanently exhausted. Get several pairs of good boots.
If you don’t exercise them enough they will dig holes in your garden in protest. Or just because they can.
Do You Like It Rough?
They bounce around looking like they’re tearing each other’s throats out because this is how they play. If you meet a submissive, small dog on the park then you have to pre-warn the owner that their little fluffy might go tumbling through the woods; Wolfdogs do not understand that Mitzy, Ditzy, and Shitzy are only 1/10th of their size. But honestly, don’t worry, there’s no need to run off…they’re just playing…
How To Turn A Workman’s Tool
When workmen come round to your house and you ask them if they’re OK with dogs and they say, “Yeah – love them..” don’t be fooled. As you open the second door and they see them silently staring, they tend to react badly by leaping onto your banisters shouting, “OOOH, NOT THAT BIG …”
Shedding Hell
So much hair gets shed I cannot believe they are not bald. You could spin this into mohair and make a killing at the knitting shop. When they malt in spring and autumn you could stuff a sack daily. I don’t use a nice bristle brush to groom them because it wouldn’t do anything – I have to use an extra-large horse blade!
Don’t Look A Gift Wolf In The Mouth
You cannot open a delivery from Amazon without them helping. And do not leave presents under the Christmas tree because they absolutely need to know what’s inside.
Get Two, They Said…
If you get two, thinking they will occupy each other, you are deluded. You are still a pack member and all that happens is that all the above intensifies.
But more importantly, aside from the fact these are the best pets I’ve ever owned and loveable beasts full of personality, they tend to scoff…
A LOT
Here is a picture of my recent delivery from the pet food people.
This is for one month only.
And does not include treats or kibble. This is just meat.
It took me 7 hours to put away and I nearly got fined at the tip when I disposed of the boxes because they did not believe it wasn’t a commercial drop. Nobody can have that much dog food…
I tell ya what – I’ll bring them in the truck next time and we’ll find out if you want to charge me then.
21 Comments on The Wonder of the Wolfdog
Katherine
13th Jan, 2021 09:01
My dear,
How are you coping with all of this madness? I have a highly reputable dog carer (Penelope) should you need some space.
I solemnly believe you should only bring creatures into your life that bring you peace. For this reason I recommend a Corgi or a sophisticated Afghan Hound… and an exceptional dog carer (I will send you Penelope’s details).
Though I will say, your canines are rather handsome, if a little medieval.
Godfrey and I are currently residing in our cabin in Yosemite until all of this virus twaddle concludes.
Perhaps you should bring your hounds here at a later date, there is a surplus of Deer here to keep them occupied. I shan’t be there though, I cannot have fur getting on my cashmere.
Penelope’s details will be with you shortly.
My best wishes,
Kitty
Jules Smith
13th Jan, 2021 16:01
Well, hello Miss Kitty!
It is rather a twaddle, isn’t it…I cope with it like pretty much else, Kitty – with extreme mood swings!
I could certainly do with a Penelope – I received her details but she’s rather expensive!
They are handsome indeed, but I agree that you might find them a tad too boisterous! I’m sure they’d love Yosemite, as would I, but sadly I’m locked in Blighty for the foreseeable future.
Lovely to hear from you and I hope that you and Godfrey enjoy your stay in California!
LL
13th Jan, 2021 12:01
Thank you for the primer. I guess that you understand what “wolfing down your food” means in a visceral sense now.
Wolves don’t understand ‘lone wolf’ behavior. The pack should do EVERYTHING together. It’s incredibly bad manners for a wolf not to include the other wolves in all aspects of daily life.
A neighbor of mine has a part wolf-party husky named “Buddy”. Buddy and I are good friends and when he sees me, he ‘talks’ to me. There are horses nearby and Buddy likes to go and play with them, but the horse owners don’t understand that it’s play. It caused some friction. I was over there for dinner yesterday and they were talking about how they have food delivered in much the same way that you do.
Buddy showed up one day at their house as a pup and stayed ever since. He’s about 2 now.
And sharing (bacon) is caring…
I saw a mama wolf with three pups about five days ago here at the mine. The youngsters were about four months, I guess. I stood off and then a few pack members appeared and placed themselves between me and the children.
Jules Smith
13th Jan, 2021 16:01
They certainly do not understand the lone wolf malarkey, LL. All for one and one for all!
I love it when they talk to you – it’s like having a chat with Chewbacca! Tex is always talking because clearly I don’t understand that when he wants something I should respond immediately. This follows with him pulling at my clothing and being persistently annoying until he gets what he wants. He does not like the word no.
I would love to see wolves in their natural habitat. What a wonderful place to live.
Hardnox
13th Jan, 2021 12:01
Wonderful story. This is working out great for you. Imagine how bored you would be during the Wuflu lockdown without all their attention and entertainment. 🙂
I once almost got a 75-25% Wolf-German Shepherd. The breeder told me they are velcro 24/7 and will wreck your home if left unattended for even a few minutes, so I changed my mind. Beautiful and loving creatures for sure. The sire of the pups was 160 pounds. Was told they will live 16-18 years.
Jules Smith
13th Jan, 2021 16:01
There is that, Hardnox – these pair are like a full time job! I can’t wait to go on holiday for a break!
She was right – they do not like being left. Even if you do it a bit at a time to get them used to it. No. No likey! I have to keep mine locked in a utility room with very little around. They’ve gone through several rugs, skirting boards, and slippers. Bloody nightmare! Good job I love them.
Bathwater
13th Jan, 2021 20:01
Sounds like a nightmare. I can barely stand my cat. I tried owning a dog once and quickly found out, I am not cut out for it.
Jules Smith
14th Jan, 2021 08:01
There are pros to all the cons, BW. Such is the case in life. You really have got to be an animal person though.
Sometimes I have my struggles because I like my house to be sparkling and beautiful so I am constantly cleaning like Cinderella! However, when I’m outside with them in the woods I absolutely love it. Freedom: cleansing of the mind, physical exertion, de-stressing – it all makes me feel so much better.
the late phoenix
13th Jan, 2021 22:01
bless me, Mother Nature, for i have sinned
i used to chew my fork, i discovered the spoon
feral falsetto, Scaramouche! Scaramouche!…the Samurai Jack character…
E number: not as popular as 3.14, jealous of pi
i cook bacon for 10 minutes in the Ninja Foodi, it comes out ninja…
do you like it rough? yes
horse blade: Sling Blade sequel…
i’m sure your Pack has downed an Amazon drone behind your back…
that’s how it starts, you get another one to keep the one company, then another one cos 3 is a magic number, then 4 cos 4 rounds it out…
i thought those cardboard boxes were toilet paper…
and i get scared cutting my cat Trinity’s nails, he doesn’t like getting his nails did…
*)
Jules Smith
14th Jan, 2021 09:01
You know that Mother Nature is bitch, right? She might just slap you with something proper nasty, my sweet!
I need a Ninja Fudji but instead I bought a Ninja Nutri. More on this to follow.
I downed the amazon drone with my BB gun. The pack ate the contents.
Ha! I’d be arrested for hoarding!
You wanna try cutting this pairs nails. No, and thrice no. I get someone else to do that. *)
Dean
13th Jan, 2021 23:01
Juju dear, I don’t remember if I told you I was a dog handler in the AF for a short time. My training dog was 25/75 wolf/German shep. I didn’t have a dog; I had another appendage that sprouted from my hip. The minute he felt the last command I gave had reached its “shelf life”, he was back hard up against my leg looking up at me with those sappy brown eyes. I wasn’t his handler, I was just his personal human.
Jules Smith
14th Jan, 2021 09:01
Yes, Dean, I do remember that but I didn’t know the breed. It must have been hard to part company with him; especially when so attached.
It’s time you got your Newfoundland or Irish wolfhound! These would look good walking you to work in DC.
drjim
14th Jan, 2021 01:01
I had a friend back growing up in Illinois who had a wolf-dog. Smart as could be, loyal to a fault, more energy than a small nuclear weapon, and Good Lord could that dog DIG.
They require a strong owner, and they have “issues”, but I always thought his dog was one of the coolest dogs I’d ever met.
Jules Smith
14th Jan, 2021 09:01
More energy than a small nuclear weapon is the perfect description, drjim. Boundless, it is. And yeah, they can dig a hole big enough to fall in within seconds – never seen anything like it. They are den makers, and of course, trouble makers.
You need the patience of a saint and an iron will to get through but the payoff is worth it. Brilliant dogs.
Masher
14th Jan, 2021 05:01
Lambsy: “It’s a wolof, it’s a wolof… ahh, shit! It’s two wolofs, it’s two wolofs!”
As one of your other commentators said, I bet these two have helped you through lockdown, immensely.
And I’m glad our monthly Tails delivery doesn’t look like THAT!
Jules Smith
14th Jan, 2021 09:01
That sounds just like the people I meet in the woods when they meet us on the secluded path!
They have helped, yes. I just wish people would sod off the parks that they never used to come to in the first place!
Yeah – it’s not funny. They love it though. To be fair there’s a couple of flavours in there that I reckon would be nice tossed into some pasta! If things get desperate over here with lockdown and no food coming in from Europe because of Brexit, I know I won’t starve!
Masher
14th Jan, 2021 10:01
Oh yeah: a couple of times when I have been dishing up the dog’s dinner, I have thought to myself “I could eat this!”.
The steamed fillets with lamb, chicken and green beans, looks particularly tasty!
LSP
15th Jan, 2021 17:01
What a great pair of wolves! And good thing you got that Ranger. Smart.
Jules Smith
16th Jan, 2021 13:01
Aren’t they?
Well of course I’m smart! You know this, LSP!
Bohemian
7th May, 2021 11:05
On a Pandemic Insomnia Bloggy Bender and enjoying going thru your Blog Archives for good reads and lotsa laffs. A neighbor of mine Jerry had a Wolf Dog, she could jump over 20 foot Walls. One of the other Neighbors got a Goat and some Chickens… well… it didn’t end well.
Jules Smith
8th May, 2021 09:05
Oh God. Yeah – that’s not good. Thanks for the free lunch, neighbours! Whadda ya mean you’re not talking to us anymore?! Hahahaha!
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