Satirical Snapshots Bringing You Whimsy On A Wednesday!
One of the terrible things about being in lockdown is that it’s very easy to be distracted by things online. There I was scrolling down my Instagram feed when all of a sudden an advert caught my eye.
Cut It Out
A beautiful machine ma chine to cut glass bottles in half and turn them into works of art… like, ya know, half -cut bottle decanters that, ummm, make pots to hold…stuff. Yeah.
I thought this would be a marvellous idea because the glass bottle collectors had not been collecting the bottles for the last twelve weeks and despite me hiding mine on my neighbour’s side, I was starting to look like I had a gin problem.
What a genius idea to turn all my bottles into – umm…things..
Beautiful glass doo-dah that I could gift to people.
Just for them.
Wow.
Cutting Edge Technology
Three months I waited. THREE MONTHS to have this tool delivered so I could create my glass malarkey emporium. By which time I’d lost all interest in the idea and they had ruined any chance of me becoming a millionaire. Dream crushers.
Even the glass recycling collectors had come out of lockdown by then and collected all my empties.
Still, having the entrepreneurial spirit that I do, I drank a couple of bottles of wine to have a go at the thing now it was here.
Never mind don’t drink and drive – more like do not drink and operate the glass cutting machine.
In fact, don’t remain sober and operate it either because it gets you into botther bother…
Needless to say, it didn’t work. I nearly ended up in A&E with missing digits.
Never buy tat from the internet.
9 Comments on Rage Against Ma Chine
Bathwater
24th Jun, 2020 13:06
I am tempted by these ads occasionally. The last thing I bought was an over hyped trimmer from Manscape. Since that one I have resisted. I just don’t need anything,
Jules Smith
25th Jun, 2020 08:06
Well, I don’t usually get that tempted to be fair but everything I’ve ever bought from an ad on social media has been a complete letdown or vicious lie!
LL
24th Jun, 2020 13:06
I’ve been just the opposite during the months of plague. I haven’t bought anything that I can recall with the exception of birthday presents for grandchildren – and my daughters give me the link and >click< and it arrives at their houses, wrapped. But I've never created boot juju, or crafty glass bottle thingys or really anything. I've sprayed weeds with roundup and so forth, but when it comes to the Jules-inspired stuff, I don't have it in me. I lack your genius.
Then again, where I live, I ignore the plague. I was at Oak Creek (a river in the area) yesterday, walking along the creek. It's scenic, very pretty, and another two humans and they wore masks. The thought crossed my mind that they might be doing something wrong, but I had my elephant handgun with me (will actually take down an elephant or a grizzly bear – there are neither in Arizona but you can't be too careful) and didn't worry. Then it occurred to me that they might have the plague. But would you feel well enough for a rather strenuous walk if you were plague ridden? I said, "hi." They said, "hi." And it didn't go further than that.
Jules Smith
25th Jun, 2020 08:06
Aww, LL, you make me sound like a great artisan! Which, of course, I am… 😉
I’m always a bit wary pf masked people outside of supermarkets. Tex hates them. Obviously it is wise to pay attention to one’s wolfit as they generally have a take on things that aren’t right. Why are you strolling about in the fresh air in a mask? Stay home or stay out – de-mask -and keep your distance.
This whole Coronavirus thing is getting on my nerves and making me a bit poorly.
Personally, I think a “hi” is all that was necessary in this instance. Maybe you should have started polishing your gun as they approached!
the late phoenix
24th Jun, 2020 21:06
the most famous Cut It Out in history, i was asked if I wanted to cut or copy this clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yrkYwQ7_2Q
I love how you draw your hair in a bun like that, I love that bun!
I was just having the same conversation, my trash and recycle wheelie-bins are FILTHY, a decade’s worth of grime and cobwebs inside them, they’re gonna need to be fumigated
A&E: this channel in the ’80s used to show full plays………now i’ll be satisfied if they give me back my General Hospital…the British soap, not the American soap…
now go watch the music video for Bush’s “Warm Machine” and the “ER” intro with Rocket Romano…
*)
Jules Smith
25th Jun, 2020 08:06
This is my day-to-day bun – I just screw it up at the side. The drawing is far neater than the reality but that’s art for you!
My wheelie bin has really been. They said…
WOW – there’s a blast from the past show. I don’t watch medical shows because I’m way too squeamish. The only one I completed and enjoyed was ‘House.’ Obvs.
OK, my sweet, I shall do this! *)
LSP
25th Jun, 2020 01:06
Rage against Ma Chine, ha!
My “chine” threw a Marxist fit and went Black Screen. I sorted that insurrection out sharpish. Do you have to wear those douchey little face masks? We’ve abandoned them here and, weirdly, no one’s died, even though the news says they have.
Jules Smith
25th Jun, 2020 08:06
Hahaha! Funny innit!
Some people wear them – lots do not. They are required on public transport but that’s it, I think. Since they are re-opening pubs here on Monday it is safe to say that nobody in Blighty is going to give a f… fart about the rules.
Mina Lobo (aka GothMomLite)
27th Jun, 2020 21:06
ROTFL, I admire your entrepreneurial spirit! And I’d have been happy to help you empty some more bottles to work with. 🙂
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