My friend sent me the image pictured as I sprang to mind when she saw it.  Hmmm.  Anyway, that is how I’ve been feeling of late and appear to have lost my ‘mojo’ or those witches stole it along with my cookie…
Now to be honest, I am one to procrastinate and rail against any form of structure and discipline.  I don’t know why, it’s just another one of my character flaws but it is what it is.  I have a tendency to leave everything until the 11th hour and cause myself untold stress. Clearly I work better like this or I wouldn’t self harm in this way.  Lately though, I am incredibly tired and this just worsens my ability to function.  I decided to do a bit of self- analysation and take a look at why this might be:

• I eat well – can’t be that then.
• I go to the gym every other morning- physically stimulating.
• I write, read and play scrabble (a lot) – mentally stimulating.

At a loss, so I decided to visit the Doctor.  After a series of peculiar questions she told me to do the following:

• No caffeine after 2 pm.  (Not keen but prepared to endure)
• Not much alcohol. (PFFFT! I am at my BEST under the influence…silly woman. Besides, red wine reduces the risk of heart disease and has the same benefits as going to the gym.  Were she properly qualified she would know this)
• Read magazines or books to relax instead of TV ( does she not realise how many magazines I have to read…plus if I get stuck into a novel I am staying up until my head falls into it and I’m dribbling on the pages.  I cannot put a good book down by sheer will)
• Do not play word games online after 10 pm. (HA HA HA.  That is NEVER going to happen.) Also keep ipad and iphone out of bedroom. (But I have to check it first thing on waking…honestly)

So as the words were coming out of her mouth I knew I was going to fail monumentally at her requests.

Back to the drawing board.  After lengthy consideration I decided that it’s all about my pillow. This is most definitely the reason for my tiredness.  I have a very big issue with pillows. For love nor money I cannot find a pillow that perfectly rests my weary head in a substantial and relaxing manner.  I have spent so much money on pillows it’s ridiculous.   I am unable to lie without my neck feeling unsupported and end up squeezing my pillow into a ball with my arm underneath thus resulting in a sore neck and shoulders and panic filled drama in the wee hours when I can’t feel my arm and think I’ve had a stroke.

I have bought duck down, polyester, Tempur memory foam (seriously expensive), Ikea’s finest, bolster pillows, magnetic Feng Shui style pillow, extra comfort,  hypoallergenic and Tesco’s value pack. I have even tried not having a pillow but nearly stopped breathing as I cut off my windpipe.

I have tried all manner of different pillows and recently went along to one of our finest shops in pursuit of comfort and support.  I took all the pillows from the shelves and lay them on the shop floor, for many a time I have purchased a pillow which felt luxurious only to find it useless.  This time I was going to put them to the test by laying on them.  This was worse than Goldilocks’s ordeal.  At least she only had 3 choices!  The shop assistant came over and asked if she could help me. I think she’d been told to remove the mad woman lying on pillows in the shop since this is a terribly posh store.  I explained that since spending hundreds of pounds in here to no avail I was well within my rights to do some consumer testing.  Very soon I had a few people helping me out and offering me advice on the benefits of goose down or  other.  In the end I plumped for a bouncy pillow that offers all the comfort of memory foam yet bounces back to aid support.

Dont buy one it’s a lie.

So until I find the pillow that works for me I may be tired for sometime.  Ergo my character will remain flawed and petulant.  Should you think you have found the pillow of superior squishiness and beauty please send it to me. Alternatively, if you know anyone who works at a pillow factory, please tell them I need a chat.